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1-5 ANGELS

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WARNING: I AM GOING TO RUIN THIS MOVIE.

I don't really have anything positive to say about this film. It is supposed to be this epic story of hardship and love during war, but it's really just a bunch of suck that takes way too fucking long to end. It's trying to be emotional and tragic by showing you the lives of these characters, but, they kind of forgot to develop the characters or their relationships enough for you to care if they're starving or dying.

The script was terrible. Most of the dialogue left me wondering how any of these actors read the script and still decided to take a part this movie. It's cheesy and over-dramatic.

The acting was fine, but, the actors weren't given any big acting challenges. Most of the movie is everyone looking off into nothing appearing lonely, sad, worried or in pain of some kind. I think I'm going to vomit when they announce the Oscar nominees and everyone in this movie is nominated. The only person who should be nominated and who made any part of this movie worth while is Renée Zellweger. She had a few key comedy lines that made me laugh for a moment, but I quickly returned to wishing the movie would end.

The only other thing slightly worth while is when Nicole Kidman and Jude Law finally have sex, and even that wasn't very satisfying. Plus, it's not until the very end of the movie and it's definitely not worth sitting in boredom for 2 1/2 hours to see.

If you still plan to see this movie, I recommend walking in for the last 20 minutes. Then, you won't have missed anything, you won't be wishing for that 2 hours of your life back, you'll get a little Nicole nakie time, a funny line form Renée and watch Jude Law finally die, just like Ada saw in the well. That's another thing! What the fuck is with movies and predicting the future? "I saw you comin' back to me." Excuse me while I puke all over Anthony Minghella for writing this shit. Next, someone will smash cheese on their forehead and they'll read the future in the shapes it makes. These are the kind of things you edit out of the movie script, even if they were in the book.

Ugh. Watching this movie is not something worth while to do with your life.

Cold Mountain

Rating:

Starring:
Nicole Kidman, Jude Law, Renée Zellweger


Buy The Soundtrack


Buy The Book
(Apparently it's much better.)

 

The following text is an email I received after posting this movie review. I have not edited it in any way. I thought it was worthy of posting for Heavenly's readers to enjoy. Perhaps one day I'll take the time to reply to the writer. Until then...happy reading!

I am sooo sorry but are you a washed up actor who couldnt make it or something? Cold Mountain was nothing but good. Granted the Characters were a little under developed but you already said that it was, and I quote, "boredom for 2 1/2 hours." It's called a movie for a reason. If you wanted to get into the characters you should read the book. It's just like Lord of the Rings, people complain it's too long but then complain the characters arnt developed or it's missing this or that.

If you knew anything about the Civil War then you would know that back then, no matter who you are, the lives of you and everyone you knew was emotional and tradgic, hence what the movie was trying to show to you closed minded people.

"Cheesy and over dramatic?" How could you say that? Maybe you have an empty tin chest and are incapable of feeling any emotion once so ever. And being "lonely, sad, worried or in pain of some kind" was how people were back then. It was a HORRIBLE time. Brother turned against brothers, familys agaisnt familys.

Also, seeing the future in wells back then was something they acctualy did. They didnt just sit around crying their eyes out for their loved one off at war. They actualy had culture and obviously you would know that if you actualy to time to learn history.

Oh by the way when your say "fuck" you sound like a snoby, hollywood, looser, who couldnt make it so you turn to bad mouthing those who could.

You are also the reason that movies like Cold Mountain and Shinlders List have to have sex senes because you are so shallow that you wouldnt see it if sex wasnt in it. Thats pathetic. You have your right to your opinion but sometimes it's "just a bunch of suck."

I just want you to know i want to be a director when i grow up and that I dont care if I dont make it I just hope that I will never become as big a looser as you are. One last thing, my moms an American history teacher and I am naturaly prone to hate everything Civil War, but if I liked it, if I could open my eyes that much I think you can too. I hope you rethink your review and the content of your site. All people are good at heart and thats forever and always.

Hobbits Rule All!
KT

 



 
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